I decided yesterday that to truly experience the joy of the holidays, you must first experience the hell that is Christmas shopping. As we’ve already established, I’m a tired grad student. I didn’t get home until just a few days ago. Therefore, I started my Christmas shopping only yesterday. Even though I have a bad cold and laryngitis, I went anyway. I figured that the mall would be relatively empty. I mean, really, who would be shopping in the middle of the afternoon on Monday? Don’t people work? Wrong. I neglected to take into account the fact that it was 5 days before Christmas. I also forgot that yesterday’s high was 17 degrees. For the entire morning, the mercury hovered around 1. What better way to warm up and get into the holiday spirit than to duke it out with you neighbor in Toys R Us for the last Hokey Pokey Elmo? Apparently a lot of people felt this way. I hate malls. I hate them even more when they’re packed like pickle jars. I hate them most when they’re packed like pickle jars and I’m sick. However, I did manage to turn this to my advantage. I was in a long line in one store, and the guy behind me had no sense of personal space. He was standing so close that his DVD kept poking me in the back. After about 15 minutes of this, I had had enough. But instead of turning around and yelling at him to back off, I decided on the stealth approach. I simply started coughing as loudly as I could and blowing my nose every few seconds. By the time we got to the end of the line, he was standing about 3 feet back from me. I have now titled this move “Spreading the Love”.
After fighting the knuckle-draggers at the mall, I took the dog to the vet. The vet determined that her paw was swollen either because she cut it and it got infected or she got a spider bite, had a reaction, and it got infected. Either way, she’s on Benadryl and an antibiotic for the next 10 days. The Benadryl is making her very tired, so I don’t have to feel too badly that I haven’t been walking her. I might take her for a short one today. Most of the swelling in her paw is gone, so I think she’ll be okay. Now I must go and try to steam my voice back in the shower. Remember to spread the love.
